You fucked up
You fucked up and now I'm sad You fucked up and now I'm mad You fucked up and I can't stand to even look at you You fucked up, my heart hurts You fucked up I'm broken You fucked up, I can't control my tears You fucked up, this was my fear No wait I fucked up I fucked up because the signs were there I fucked up because I never trusted I fucked up because I never trusted myself I fucked up because I never trusted my instincts I fucked up because that "Baby I'm tired" line was really "Baby I'm with another b*tch" and I believed you. You fucked up but I fucked up more because I let the fucked up fuck with my fucked up and that just fucked me up more. - LivitaJ Inspired by true events
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Its like I've lost hope, faith and belief in myself.
Have you ever felt like everyone around you has there life together ?. Have you ever felt like you've been stuck doing the same things day in day out and nothing changes ?. Do you ever just sit there trying to figure out what you want to do career wise but still can't figure it out ? Well I have! For years I have struggled to find what I'm good at or want to be. I've tried so many things from working in retail to part time modelling, radio and presenting and even going to university and still I have this dark grey cloud over my head stopping me from seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I have always been someone who wants to do everything, this is due to me being such a free spirit. I find it hard to focus on one thing and work at it as I feel I can do more than just one thing in life. But whats keeps holding me back ? I know I can do all the things I like doing but once I start I begin to tell myself I am not good enough or someone out there can do better than me. I start to doubt my ability and work ethic. Sometimes my confidence gets the best of me and I know I shouldn't let that stop me but I do. Sometimes in life you need money to make money and sadly thats something I don't have. Maybe you could say Im looking at all the negatives and not enough positives. Everyone around me from friends to family have so much belief in me and always tell me Im wasting myself and my talent. As much they all have this confidence in me why can't I see it. I woke up yesterday realising the only person stopping me from building myself is me. I know deep down I can be lazy and laid back which can have an affect on all these things I see myself doing career wise. Whatever you do in life always put 100% into it and never give up. If your like me and you don't know what you want to be in life don't let people tell you that you can't and don't watch what other people are doing because at the end of the day you may not be where you want to be right now but eventually you will. Everyone finds themselves at different stages of life wether your young or old. Blogged by @Livitaj x I hate you Mum, I hate You Dad
Im 14, Im a big girl now I can do what I want Why won't you let me out late, I hate you Mum My friends have a boyfriend, Why can't I, I hate you Dad Stop picking me up from school, everyone gets bus, I hate you Mum I want to get my eyebrows done, I want to wear make up, I hate you Im 16 now, Im a big girl now My friends go to raves and use fake ID, I hate you Mum Why can't I drink alcohol like everyone else, I hate you Dad Everyones going to be at the party but me, I hate you Mum Im 18 now, Im a big girl now I had my first alcoholic drink, Thank you Mum I told you I was at my friends but I was at a boys house, haha Dad Stop telling me what to do. Fuck you Mum Stop Controlling Me Dad Im 21 now, Im not a virgin now I hate you Mum The boyfriend I hid from you is cheating on me now, Im sorry Dad Im at a party killing my kidneys with alcohol, forgive me mum I understand it now, I understand you was protecting me, teaching me, helping me, guiding me, showing me right from wrong. Thank you mum Thank you Dad - J Her lips are huge, Strange Girl
Her hairs damaged, Strange Girl Her head is really big, Strange Girl Her face is lighter than her body, Strange Girl Her body shape is like a boy, Strange Girl She drives a really old car, Strange Girl She's always smiling, Strange Girl She takes too many pictures, Strange Girl She doesn't have a degree, Strange Girl She works in a shop, Strange Girl Im the strange girl I guess you could say she fell in love with the camera or as others may say, the camera fell in love with her.
Deception has never been so perfect in so many ways. She was good to look at in flesh but all they could ever think about was the picture. The way her skin glowed, the way the camera loved her from ever angle. Was she putting too much effort into being something she wasn't ? Was she hiding behind her flaws ? Was she changing who she really was to better the human eye ? She didn't know, all she knew was they craved it, they craved what they saw. She craved the craving. Some girls are very photogenic and some girls are not. Don't feel your deceiving anyone because you know how to take a good photo and most importantly don't think your not beautiful because you can't. I always have people ask me "how do you take such good photo's". Its just something i've mastered over the years, I love taking pictures and being able to master a good pose, its just something I do. Sometimes I feel my pictures may pass off more flawless than I seem in person but so what! Some people call it a deception but hey, you recognised me right ? so I can't be that deceiving lol. I know a lot of girls get slack from social media due to their pictures but girls don't take it to heart. You can please everyone in life and who cares. By Livita J Most girls don't feel sexy natural. I may be wrong but sometimes I myself struggle to feel sexy with what god blessed me with. It's sad, because I should feel comfortable with who I am and what I look like. For years I've struggled to just love who I am underneath the fakery and fraud. Im not saying there is anything wrong with wearing makeup and fake hair but sometimes I feel like I'm deceiving myself, hiding away from the person I really am!
I feel like I can't be sexy or appealing to the eye in my natural state. I can't help that wearing make up makes me feel beautiful, I can't help that wearing make up gives me a confidence boost, I can't help that wearing make up makes me feel complete on a night out. I guess I can't help the help that's stuck within me. Time after Time I wonder to myself, why do I feel like this? Then I remembered ! YOU made me feel bad, you made me feel bad for being me, YOU did, the girl who can wake up, pin her natural hair up and leave your house bare faced. The girl who walks the streets and has n*ggas call her sexy in her natural form. The girl who makes sly comments and makes me feel bad because I'm not as natural as her. YOU the girl every girl like me feels they have to be like. I'm not you, I can't be you and I sure damn well don't won't to be you. Today was the day I learnt not to care. Not to care about what you think and others like you. To start caring for what I like and what makes me feel and look good. Sometimes I like wearing loads of make up, have me feeling like one of the girls on the front cover of a magazine. My hair isn't mine but I sure damn walk the streets like Beyoncé and own it. Sometimes I like to be natural, not many love it but guess what? My mum does and her opinion means more than what you could ever say about how I look. Don't EVER feel like your doing wrong for being you. By Livita J (Inspired by true events) I'm obsessed with you.
I'm obsessed with the way you call my name, the way you look at me when I walk in my heels. I'm obsessed with the way you touch me when you have something to say, the way you grin at me when we both know wass up. The way you take pride in how you groom yourself, the noise you make when you sleep and that twitch in your cheek when your dreaming something bad. I'm obsessed with you that every time I wake up I check to see if you messaged me, if your craving me, are you checking up on me ? I'm obsessed with the first time we met and the way you hugged me so tight my body caved in. I'm obsessed with our late night drives with me falling asleep and the way you stare at me when I eat. I'm obsessed with you and I know deep down your obsessed with me but then I realised your obsession isn't just us or me. Your obsession is with her, the other girl. I will never be. By Livita J (Fiction Inspired by True Events) Im forever being asked why I LOVE watching horror films and for the last and final time I just do.
I love the thrill of it not being real life. What excites me the most is the tension and suspense of not knowing whats going to happen. I like to sit up at night by myself in a dark room and watch people being chased by spirits and run away from ugly ass killers LOL! I know this sounds creepy but I just do. I love Japanese horror films. If you've ever seen one you will know what I mean. Im not a fan of american horror film's because they remake Japanese films and slap their corny ass acting on top of it. There not scary at all and this is the reason why people don't like them. If you really want to be scared. Watch a Japanese horror film and tell me what you think. |
AuthorI tend to create stories based on life experience and share post's about my day to day life. I want to share things I feel people can relate to and show people that in life we all tend to go through the same things and no matter what the case may be you can pull through. Archives
November 2017
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